Celtics Trade Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett to the Nets… What Now?

Excuse the following post if it’s written sloppily (hell, they are all written sloppily, but at least I can wrap the posts up lookin’ real nice and purrrdy with the “sugarcoating the shit” ritual). I’m extremely tired, but I figured I’d attempt to piece together some thoughts.

Long-term, this should be good for the Boston Celtics. Let’s see here: three first round picks just to toss away two fading stars. That sounds like a grisly way to sum it all up, but it’s true: Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce belong in “Troy Sparks’ top 5 all-time favorite basketball players” list, but make no mistake about it I have no problem talking about the sports world objectively (as long as it’s not about the Greatest Show on Turf AKA the St. Louis Rams of the early 2000s), and the truth here is — the object truth and not a pun for Paul Pierce’s nickname — that Garnett and Pierce are about finished.

Bold bet/statement of mine: the Brooklyn Nets won’t win a title with Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett on their team. If they do, I’ll delete TSTOS forever. This actually isn’t much of a bold bet/statement. Kevin Garnett is 37 (and age doesn’t work well with big dudes) and Paul Pierce will be 36 by the time the NBA season starts. Joe Johnson is overrated. And the only player I really think is truly worth a damn (outside of the names Piece and Garnett) on the Brooklyn Nets is Deron Williams. Brook Lopez? Oh, please. Get this guy with a girl’s name outta the league. Not tough enough, not ferocious enough. He’s a wimp in a basketball jersey. I beg of you, fuck off.

Yes, I realize how incredibly asinine the absolute ‘only player’ statement is, but I think that team is a bit of a joke, losing in the first round of the NBA playoffs to a Bulls team without over half of their true starting lineup, with guys throwing up on the bench and playing with extreme physical ailments. A pathetic atrocity.

The Nets want to make a run at the title right away.

Too bad Chicago, Indiana and Miami are better all around teams. Good luck with that, Brooklyn. Just a gimmick team is what they are.

I was going to add some good ol’ insight to this post, but seeing as I currently lack it and am enjoying the personal onslaught of insults I’m dishing out at the Brooklyn Nets, I renege that assertion. Screw you.

I can’t believe Paul Pierce isn’t going to be a Celtic when the 2013 NBA season begins. In a nutshell, that is truly fucked up. He’s been a Celtic since 1998. It won’t be the same.

And Kevin Garnett? Dude bleeds beastblood. Little fact many of you may not know about the illustrious history of the Pride and the Glory of the Boston Celtics: Kevin Garnett is the only player in the history of the Celtics to win the defensive player of the year (2008).

With Rajon Rondo eventually coming back from that dastardly ACL injury, hopefully he’s matured to the point where he won’t be such a raging jackass — no more of this showboaty, “do it for ESPN!” bullshit. He’ll be counted on to be the absolute linchpin of the 2013 Boston Celtics. If he’s not game, and too busy smarting off to the next head coach, then [your higher power] help this franchise.

Thanks to Kevin Garnett for reviving winning in the Boston Celtics’ franchise. Thanks to Paul Pierce for being the heart and soul of this team for the past fifteen years.

One thought on “Celtics Trade Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett to the Nets… What Now?

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