Eminence Front: The San Francisco 49ers are Going to Super Bowl XLVII

Damn, the FortyWhiners are going to the Super Bowl.

That was the instant and surprisingly relaxed thought that hit me as I watched the Atlanta Falcons choke away a 17-0 lead and subsequently take for granted opportunities (David Akers’ missed field goal and the Michael Crabtree fumble on the one yard line) that were handed down to them. The Falcons had the game in the bag, but they decided to pick it up like a old fashioned board game of Monopoly and throw it away. Matt Ryan and Co. stretched the field and bombs were tossed to Julio Jones, Roddy White and Tony Gonzalez multiple times as the Falcons exposed the FortyWhiners’ defense for what it is. But in the second half, the Falcons conservatively toyed with a stagnant run game and a passing game that didn’t see anything longer than about 8-15 yards. Lo and behold, the FortyWhiners stormed back, took the lead and the rest of the game was history.

I unabashedly hate the San Francisco 49ers. They are a vile, disgusting team and their fans reek of immense suckitude (and bad breath). The organization and the fanbase as a whole can kiss my ass.

I’m biased as hell and I don’t care to admit it. I don’t like the FortyWhiners one bit, and if you haven’t realized that over the past [near] six years of TSTOS’s history, then maybe you should peruse the archives.

Flip on ESPN and see if you can endure 10-15 minutes of SportsCenter without hearing the name “Colin Kaepernick” mentioned as well as lauded as if he’s the greatest thing since  Jon Steven “Steve” Young. It’s embarrassing of ESPN to display such a show of ass-kissery. Is it too much to ask for, to have ESPN showcase a modicum of reality and journalistic integrity? Yes, Colin Kaepernick has done a fine job in the role of quarterback for the San Francisco FortyWhiners, but he isn’t the bread and butter of that team. The defense and his surrounding comrades are the ones who should get the utmost credit. The Green Bay Packers freely handed him the entire field on a silver platter. Kaepernick had his jerky verbally jacked ensuingly by ESPN’s wonderful analysts as if he’d accomplished something breathtaking. Yeah, 188 yards on the ground. Easy to do when the defense is 5 to 10 yards away from you in every spot of the field. Give me a break.

Has Colin Kaepernick been hit that hard yet? I’m waiting. He’s been tackled, for sure, but he hasn’t taken a grow-some-pubic-hair-right-now hits. I’m talking about a hard, violent, quick and visceral hit that sends him to the turf aching in every joint and each figment of his body is silently screaming. No, I don’t reckon that he’s taken such a hit, given the knights in shining armor that block for his lanky ass. Soon, when he inevitably has his world rocked, the faulty facade of which the modern day FortyWhiners have been built from will be unequivocally viewed.

Cue the song “Eminence Front” by The Who.

Behind an eminence front
Eminence front – It’s a put-on.
It’s an eminence front
It’s an eminence front – It’s a put-on
An eminence front
Eminence front – put-on
Eminence front
It’s an eminence front
I’ts an eminence front – It’s a put-on
It’s a put-on
It’s a put-on
It’s a put-on

The San Francisco 49ers’ performance? It’s a put-on.

Interesting note: “Eminence Front” was released in 1982, the same year the 49ers won their first Super Bowl.

The FortyWhiners are on the big boy stage (will be on February 3, rather) for the first time since 1995. It’s been a long year (flew by, actually) since their heartbreaking (I loved it) defeat to the hands of the New York Giants. They returned to the NFC championship and managed to get the job done this time around. Kudos. Now they are putting us all through two weeks of aggravating storylines surrounding the pseudo-brilliance of Colin Kaepernick.

There was another game that was played during the evening in the AFC. Abstract mentioning. Ah, well, the Baltimore Ravens won. The Ravens are THE team that have the great potential to floor Kaepernick and set the tone of the game. I don’t care about this game being labelled the “Harbaugh Bowl” or the “Harbowl”. It’s irrelevant media blotter.

Did you fine folks see the way Matt Ryan was slicing the FortyWhiners’ defense with downfield throws? Well, guess what? Joe Flacco might just be the best deep ball thrower in the league (not a typo or hyperbole). Hi, Torrey Smith.

It’s time to witness the very last game of Ray Lewis’s storied hall of fame career end on a fine note to the tune of spanking the collective ass of the San Francisco 49ers.

2 thoughts on “Eminence Front: The San Francisco 49ers are Going to Super Bowl XLVII

  1. Two weeks of TWO Harbaugh’s AND Ray Lewis’ “latest” last game to be played is just too much for this guy. I’m skipping any emotional investment in this year’s game aside from seeing if any of the commercials are cool!

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